T’was the night before Christmas
And after my twelfth whiskey
My sleigh it was swerving
The reindeer were frisky.
We veered past a window
And began climbing a wall
“On Duster on Dixon
On aah…Pete and John Paul”.
“On Slasher on Chancer
On Flasher and….D-Dwight
Don’t crash through that roof now
Or it’ll be fifty tonight”.
But crash hard we did
And with some speed I alighted
If I didn’t know better
I’d swear the deer looked delighted.
Flying through the dark
My landing was quite thuddy
My face now snow white
Where it once had been ruddy.
Chancer spoke in a voice
As clear as a kangaroos
“Next house you have the carrot
And I’ll drink the booze”.
Soon Chancer spluttered
And arose such a clatter
He puked on the sleigh
With a splash and a splatter
“You’ve got it all over
My boots and my sleeve!”
My voice bellowing through the fog
On this cold Christmas Eve.
I tumbled down the next chimney
At an alarming rate
Burning my beard
And smashing the grate.
The carefully hung stockings
I removed them quite quick
And replaced them with mine
The ones covered in sick.
No more drinks for me, I thought
Concentrate on the presents
But then I missed a right turn
And collided with pheasants
Flying around the world
It’s all dizziness and feathers
And puking and falling
In cold frosty weathers.
So Merry Christmas to all
From dear old St.Nick
Some get great presents
Others, a sockful of sick.
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